When you are most at-Home, you can feel an odd, strange sense of lostness. You might think that getting found, finding Home, means you will never feel lost again. And all metaphysical talk of always being Home, which is true, does not mean Home includes feeling Home always. Just as a person can feel lost, far away somewhere, sitting in his or her own house, the same is true of Home. In fact, we have lived so long from recognition of Home, being Home can feel not-anywhere-near Home, somewhere else totally than here and now.
Simply recognize that Home, at times, can feel strange. Home, regardless of it always having been where we are - never was or will be -, is still an odd place to be sometimes. And some of us may be so habituated to belief in not being Home, that when a feeling of at-Home arises, we sabotage it - like persons who seek and seek for someone to love them, then find a way to run the person off or run off themselves.
Home is always here and now, but we feel feelings of Home being another place we long for, at times. I went through a time a few years ago, with a strange sense that I did not belong on earth, that Home was somewhere else. I felt fully ready to go there, as though I would welcome a natural death to get Home. I felt here but somewhere else at the same time: this continued over many months. When I came out of that consciousness, I suffered for many months, grieving that I was back here fully.
And Home is not necessarily going to feel ecstatic, like a daily "Wow!". My sense is, persons who have emerged to live in recognition of Home always being here and now, they mostly feel Home just as ordinary as what we have said - simply being here and now. Possibly, that is one reason so many persons feel such peace near death - they know they are not going Home, but already are Home, and that Home is not about having or not having a physical body.
We could say Home is never a feeling but can have any feeling associated with it. So, ironically, not feeling at-Home can be seen as a feeling made possible by its association with Home.
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*Heaven is a place on earth, Daniela Hartmann, Flickr
*Lotus of the Heart is a Work of Arem Nahariim-Samadhi ~ someone in love with Life and inviting others to that same ecstasy of Love ~ and, by the way, herein is nothing he claims as his own.
